How about discovering whether your parents are narcissistic by identifying the effects of your upbringing on your personality?
If you are indecisive, often self-blaming, and have low self-esteem, it may be a sign that you were raised by narcissistic parents. Such parents are controlling, often blaming others for their mistakes and making their children feel bad if they don’t do what’s expected of them. Here are some of the signs that give an idea about the parents you were raised with;
1. YOU DO NOT FEEL GOOD ENOUGH
Narcissists feel they are more important and better than anyone else. And they want their children to look just as ideal in order to make them look better in the eyes of others. If you behave the way your parents want you to behave, you can win their love, which depends on fulfilling their expectations and desires. You may get stuck in a never-ending cycle of trying to win that love by doing whatever you want and feeling like you never do enough because the love you get is only temporary and not the same as unconditional love.
Your parent may also have constantly criticized you because you never did exactly what they said. Or maybe you did, but they were not happy with the result or the reaction of others. This feeling of never doing enough or not being good enough can carry over into adulthood and affect other relationships and your self-esteem.
2. YOU ARE Afraid of voicing your thoughts
If your opinion didn’t match your parent’s, it was likely met with aggression and led to punishment. If you disagree with your parents about something or are upset about how they treated you, they won’t accept it and even withhold love. As an adult, it may be difficult for you to challenge others and therefore speak up.
3. YOU MAY HAVE PROBLEM RELATIONS
You may find that some of the relationships you have are unsatisfactory or even bad. For example, you may find yourself in an interdependent relationship because narcissistic parents often control their children and don’t know their boundaries. You may even realize that you are in a relationship with a narcissist because it can be difficult to choose someone completely different from the one you were familiar with as a child.
4. IT MAY BE DIFFICULT TO BE INDEPENDENT
Narcissistic parents love to control their children. They want them to do things a certain way because they believe only they know what’s right. That’s why they make all the decisions for you, and once you’re an adult, it can be difficult for you to finally start thinking for yourself and do things your way. And narcissistic parents don’t want you to be more independent because then they lose the only person in their life they can control to get love and praise.
5. YOU MAY FEEL THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE
You may not know what your interests and needs are or what you really want in life. This is because as a child you were discouraged from exploring yourself. Your parents already thought about what they wanted for you and got you to do it.
6. YOU MAY HAVE CONCERNS
As a child, you probably felt anxious around your parents. You always had to make sure you did everything the way they wanted, otherwise you could be yelled at or punished. This anxiety can stay with you in your later life and move on to other relationships.
7. YOU MAY HAVE SOME UNHEALTHY BEHAVIORS
When you can’t get love from your parents, you look elsewhere. So you can struggle with compulsive behaviors in your childhood and adulthood. For example, it could be overeating or compulsive shopping. These things replace love and make you feel better temporarily.
8. YOU TRY TO MAKE PEOPLE SATISFIED
Since as a child you constantly had to make your parents feel better, you can do the same for other people as an adult. You forget about yourself and you may even think that what you need is not as important as the needs of others. You may be afraid of upsetting others and try to adapt in any way possible.
9. YOU CONTINUOUSLY BECOME YOURSELF
Your parents may have used their guilt to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do. Narcissistic parents will never let you say they did something wrong by proving that they are at fault. So they may make you feel guilty for what they did or because you didn’t appreciate them enough as a parent. As a kid, this probably made you blame yourself for everything, plus it was important to you to maintain a good relationship with your parents and you didn’t want to upset them. This can cause you to blame yourself in adulthood as well, even if something isn’t your fault.
10. YOU HAVE DIFFICULT TO SET LIMITS
Your privacy and independence were probably never respected in childhood. Your family is supposed to control every aspect of your life. And since it was a normal thing at the time, you may find it difficult for you to set boundaries in other relationships as well.